Our Marine Alter Egos

Maia: You are three-and-a-half years old now and are incredibly smart. Two weeks ago, I found you working the Leapfrog Read-yourself book. It’s a device where you use a pen, and a cassette/disc …well, it’s a little computer, in a way… and you were doing first-grade math questions. You got almost all of them right. I couldn’t believe it. At first I thought it was a coincidence but after the 5th question of you answering correctly, I was impressed. You are still an ace at the computer. You’ve been pretty savvy since last year already but now you’re a little pro. But your most impressive talent is your speech, your thought process (abstract thinking, story telling, grammar, etc.), as well as your pronunciation.

You love organizing things (I guess, that’s a thing kids do at this age) and you have an eye for fashion You constantly compliment women on their wardrobe, their nails, their shoes…it’s too funny. You also tell me, how you like my hair and how you like that sweater on me – revealing my shoulder like this ;)

Before I go ... one short entry from my blog.

What animals we would be in seaworld
01/30/05

So, Maia sits in the tub and says:
"Mom, I'm a mermaid."
"You are?" I say.
"Yes," she answers and pointing at her 9 month-old sister splashing all over the place, "and baby is an octopus. .... and Daddy ... Daddy is a whale."
"Ah nice. I'm sure he'd be thrilled to hear that," I comment, "and what am I?"
"You, Mommy.... you are...a shark."

I'm not sure if I would have rather been a whale in my daughter's projection of our characters into the marine world but a shark? Come on, I'm not that bad.
I'd see myself more like a dolphin. In fact, if there is such a thing as reincarnation, I would like to be reborn as a dolphin (preferably the type, who doesn't hang around with tuna too much).

Temper Tantrum Management

I wrote this in a half hour for Maia's pre-school newsletter (and since I didn't find time to blog this week I am posting this. If you aren't a parent, don't bother reading it...it's a bit corny, I think) :

Handling Tantrums
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If there is one thing I hate dealing with it’s when Maia goes into temper tantrum mode. I have to be so adult and collected when really I want to scream right back at her for being so “irrationally angry” about that candy-bar I’m not giving her, or the dress she’s not allowed to wear because it’s 8 degrees outside.

Of course, I know the steps I should be taking when my little one goes into this inaccessibility mode, however, it’s another story to apply these steps. In the past (before having my second child last year), I’ve been obsessive about researching parenting issues but sometimes I need a reminder. Lately I’ve been so exhausted from work, school, and two small children, I’ve resorted to watching Super Nanny or Nanny 911 on TV instead of picking up a book. But, hey, if they can tame those little monsters on the show within a week then they must be doing something right. If this isn’t all staged, that is. ;)

Anyway, I’m a perfect example of today’s modern (somewhat educated) parent. I mix and match all kinds of advice and the other day I actually applied a word of wisdom I heard from that English super nanny on TV.
The show featured one family, which included a mother just as stubborn as her little daughter. Instead of dealing with the strong-minded child’s emotions, the mother let her own high-strung feelings get in the way and would just lock the screaming kid in a room for a time-out. Granted, the child threw a cup of water at her mother to get this punishment, it still wasn’t the right approach to deal with the situation effectively. Somehow I identified. Maia can truly get me to a point at which I feel utterly powerless, my nerves almost at the edge. If it were the olden days I’d be spanking her all day long (just kidding, she’s not that bad…especially as she’s getting older). However, I am really glad that I am an educated parent, for it reminds me of the fact that I am dealing with a small child and not an adult. She lives in a different world.

So, when Maia began falling into a tantrum stage the other day, and I was about to sit her down on her time-out chair to cool off, I did one thing differently (Super Nanny in the back of my mind;). Instead of leaving her to scream it out for a few minutes, I gave her two options. I said: “Maia, you can stay here in time-out to scream and cry or you can calm down and talk to me. What do you want to do?” She took a deep breath, controlled her outburst and told me straight-up: “Talk to me, please.”
I couldn’t believe she actually told me what I was supposed to read between the lines. I felt so guilty for almost ignoring her emotions and just having her scream it out. They want us to talk to them. To hug them. To listen to them. At least, Maia does.
And that’s what I did. I listened to her and I gave her alternatives to the things she could not have. I said: “Honey, you cannot come with me right now but you could play a computer game for a little bit, have some gum, and when I come back we’ll go to the park. Ok?” This schedule update seemed to work. She knew what was coming and it helped her cope with the fact that she could not come with me at that moment.
Then I gave her a big hug and a kiss and I could feel her appreciation for this affectionate behavior even though we had just been bumping heads. She knows I love her even when I’m angry and I make sure to tell her all the time.

Expressions of love

Maia:

You are now even more opinionated than before. You like to chew gum at all times (minty!), and you hate it when I tell you to do stuff you think you should do on without being reminded. For example, if I remind you to go to the bathroom you get pretty mad and say: “Don’t tell me!” (meaning, I know this myself). I remember this phase, when I was around 10 or so. I hated it when my Dad would tell me to clean the dishes. I didn’t want to be told. I wanted to think about it myself. Unfortunately, I’d always take too long to think of it and then my Dad would remind me. You are starting early.

Yesterday, I took you out of day care early. I missed you so much. Always do. And I know I don’t have all the time in the world with you. You had a hard time breaking your day's routine and almost didn’t go with me. I took you out to Applebee’s. You fell asleep in the car and even after I had carried you into the place you continued your slumber on the booth bench. You were quite cranky when I woke you but then you warmed up to my super-sweet talk. You had grilled cheese, french fries, and milk and I drew pictures for you all through your meal. After the restaurant, we went to Target and I bought you a pink purse (which you requested) and a little doll. We made it through your temper tantrum at the cashier’s (you wanted candy) and when we got home I painted your nails (you love that). Later I jumped in the tub with you and you were just too cute. You couldn’t believe that I was actually in your tub. ;)
You are such a sweetie-pie.
Ok. I’ve got to get back to work. Love you, Maia. Love you , love you, love you (just as I sing to you every night).

Toddler attitude

You know your birthday is coming up. You know you’ll be 3 years old but for some strange reason you tell everybody that you’re 5. ;)

You love your little sister and ask to hold her, be next to her, touch her, etc. all the time. You make her laugh and you read to her. You climb into her playpen to sit and play with her. In the mornings you want to cuddle with her in bed.

Hope you guys stay this sweet with each other. It’s a gift to be such good friends with your sibling. You’ve got a friend for life.

You’ve become quite fresh with me but that’s because you’re smart.

You tell me I talk too much (because I tell you what to do all the time;) and if you don’t get what you want from me, you go to your father.

Here an entry from my blog:
And So the Back-talking begins

It's bedtime. once again Maia has managed to procrastinate her daily fate by announcing that she has to poop, which could mean an indefinite time on the toilet with or without result.
So, there she sits, in the bathroom, a book on her lap, reading out loud. For the third time I approach her with the question, whether or not she's finished. girl ignores me.
"excuuse me... hellooo. I am talking to you", I plead.
She sighs... "Well, you're talking aaall the time."
I'm in shock and, perplexed, I answer: "well, excuse me... I asked you a question."
She sighs again deeply, looks at me and says in her coolest voice: "What?"
"Are you done?", I ask (without correcting her language...still shocked by her fresh tone).
"Nope." she finishes me up and goes back to reading her book.

Another excerpt from my blog:
Maia the Toddler Linguist

We're washing our hands. Maia has two soaps to her disposal but, of course, wants my precious Body&bath&whatever-anyway-too-much-money-spent-on-it soap.
"Ok, but only a liiittle bit." I say.
She manages to squeeze a quite small amount on her hand. I'm amazed, for she usually goes for whole hand coverage (on both hands).
Feeling a bit guilty about my stingyness I explain: " Only a little bit because this is special soap. it is very expensive."
Silence. Maia rubs her hands obviously in deep thought.
Then she looks up to me and asks: "It's soap for pants??"
"Pants?" I wonder... then I catch up to her analysis of the word she just heard..
"ex-pants-sive". ;)


*****


You are so sweet and so affectionate, Maia. I hope you keep this up. I, myself am so bad at that. You’ve definitely got this virtue from your father. You know I'm not big on touching or hugging but I do have my moments and when I then squeeze your cheeks and kiss you with all my loving might, you look at me with confusion and say: "Who are you.... and what have you done with my mother?"

Sometimes I feel like you’re the adult. When I get angry you immediately ask : “Are you happy, Mom?” …and I say “No, I’m angry.” …Then you usually say: “Don’t be angry, Mom. I love you. I love you just the way you are.” And then you kiss me.
Of course, you also know you’re in trouble (i.e. the reason I’m angry… something you did…like overflow the sink, paint on the wall, etc.) and all this might just be a way to get on my good side. You’re a smart girl. And too cute. ;)